Why i kata sad day ? because obviously sad day laa, haha. so i don't know nak cakap apa. It just another tough time for me, when suddenly i tertunjuk ego, being selfish and hurting someone's feeling. OH MY GOD ! i can't forgive myself. but if i tak buat macamtu, makin lama i yang sendiri sakit. em oh yeah, typing2 ni teringat ada laa hamba Allah ni. i don't know apa masalahnya i tahu benda ni okay and takda apa pun laa tapi the way dia advice dia rasa annoying. ada ke tegur2 and tak kenal sape2 tah, suruh delete semua apa yg i post sebab tak elok and please jaga maruah. hello ! i boleh cakap laa, i post update apa jadah semua tak laa keluar bahasa2 kesat. kutuk orang ke maki hamun ke apa siap mention orang ke takda pula. nak malukan orang pun takda. and so apa point dia ? nak tegur its okay tau tapi kalau tegur benda sendiri i tak buat. rasa fucked up sangat. dia sendiri pun like status i bagai and tetiba nak cakap macamtu. dia sendiri pun sama, i terus cakap why not dia tegur semua orang yg spesis macam "i" ni haa so fair laa. takdalah i rasa i ni paling teruk sangat. bukan post pakai seksi what so. oh my god, ingat balik rasa tah apa2. hahaha

since, last day its my day. so satu hari busykan diri supaya tak rasa serabut sangat masa lalui hari sad day ni laa kononnya. ikutkan nak beli kek je celebrate sendiri2. hahaha it sounds like i try to pretend that everything was fine although i know i'm totally sad and getting so upset. i don't know whether i'm doing right thing or sebab emotional sangat sampai terlepas cakap. now, i already lose him. and now tak boleh check up and stalk abt him. buat kerja stalk2 memang i laa. one of the reason nak tahu if his okay or not. em perempuan kn. i feel bad for myself. but if i tak cakap pun i sakit apa lagi i cakap pun sama. i feel the same thing. i hate feeling this way. and i shouldnt. i have to be happy because i'm done saying it that everytime he ignore me and like tak pernah nampak i, yang i rindu dia gila wehh, sayang dia macam urgh. but dia tak nampak. i dont blame him for what happened because i sendiri yang nak amik risiko ni. but sometimes i cant accept why he just can open his heart for me and yeah love me the way i love him. i learn that semua orang akan sayang macam mana kita sayang dia. okay i know. i'm done being stupidity. my heart still want him, even everytime before i fall asleep i just reminds myself that i don't deserves for him and i'm not good for him too then esok pagi sama je rasa. sayang lagi haaaa. boleh cakap laa setiap hari berharap haha sometimes rasa lawak sbb fikir apa benda laa i buat ni. tapi tu ah tu. i just cant stop loving me, even i should stop focusing on him. its not as easy as what word could say. i sakit bila i cakap macamni. hari2 cuba nak i dont give a damn pasal benda2 ni and start focus on myself. and the end of the day, it still happened weh. kdg2 rasa tak normal je mental fizikal haha, because i can feel that i'm not really happy. eventhough i gelak macam apa, lepak dengan member sampai malam buta. i know i'm not happy. thats what i can say i'm not being myself. i just tired to live like this, with heavy feelings. for now on, i cant contact him and also we're just like stranger. actually taknak pun benda ni jadi. lagi nak jadi stranger. oh no okay, hati ni nak campak mana. it sad laa but yeah doesnt mean i should give up and i dont wanna give up easily. i just remembered i already held on this so long kot. da tunggu, da sayang takkan nak senang give up even tak berbalas. i know it just need a more time to move. okay its hard to survive. i can imagine it. thats okay, i dont blame anyone. i just blame myself because i cant give what orang nak, i'm not good enough even i tried. suddenly i cry, memories hit me. ni semua my weakness doh. long time tak rasa macamni. you'll be okay, dearself. he's broken and you lagi teruk broken anis. i know he'll be happy i know dia takkan rasa sakit macam mana i rasa sakit skrg. basically yang rasa2 sakit ni i je. i je akan selalu broken. haha thats why i dont deserves it : love and happiness.

another part, bila you need to submit and make correction on your proposal. and kena submit before 10. lagi perit wehh. i kena buat since that markah final. when miss said "you can get only C or D" in your final result. you think ! sadis tak sadis laa hidup. tak tahu paper final lain for semester 5 ni macam haram jadah i buat. i ada instinct my cgpa drop gila. and i've decided that i wont check it. hahaaha pastu stress tempat intern lagi. i already apply yang dekat dengan rumah which is area rumah laa. masalahnya yang dekat2 dengan rumah yang dekat shah alam laa takda respond, yang respond banyak kat kl. i still have no car utk ulang alik kl. as long as dapat tempat area yang dekat dgn public transport like lrt ktm monorail im okay with it. susah penat semua orang rasa. i boleh cakap 2016 is fucking challenging year yang pernah i rasa. even tahun2 before ni pun rasa tercabar tahun ni lagi teruk cabar dia. i taknak wish utk 2017 bcs the same thing je pun jadi. i just hope its not like this year. penat. cepat habis intern cepat grad cepat cabut dari sini. migrate. nak feel free negara orang. then further studies bawa diri jauh2. wishlist. i hope so. 

so happy sad day, dearself ! youre already enjoyed with your day. and its time to say "people change, but feeling remains"

love me, xoxo